Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
