I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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