She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
