Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
