is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
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