mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
I think I am morally bankrupt
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Randomize
