my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
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