so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
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