I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
