I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
We just shotgunned beers for America
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
