i don't like sucking hair
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Free tacos and bad night are never used in the same sentence
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
