Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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