I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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