we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
