I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Randomize
