If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
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