oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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