You're my little dorito
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
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