apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I should make a collage of all the pictures of me caught doing slutty things
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize
