I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
