cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
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