I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Randomize
