I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
I was peeing in the bathroom at this house party when a guy just casually stumbles out of the shower
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize
