Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
You may now shotgun with the bride
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
