Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
