we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
Let he who has not made drunken spaghetti at 3 a.m. cast the first stone.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
Randomize
