Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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