the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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