hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Randomize
