wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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