isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
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