Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Randomize