I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
