tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Dumb decision of the night...walking home drunk and smelling my pepper spray
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
