can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
