oh god the rape fog is back!
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
