Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You told me you could hear my heartbeat through my penis but your methods were unethical.
Sixty five beats a minute. I stand by that.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
