2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Randomize
