just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
