yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
Just finished my law exam. Questions 4-18 seemed to pertain specifically to things we've done this semester.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
