Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
Randomize
