Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize