we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Terrible idea I love it
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
Randomize
