He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
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