I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
