there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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