I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
Randomize
