pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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