Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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