i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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