The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
