Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
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