i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
i think im in europe. pls send help
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
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