maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
