What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
Randomize
