Jerry, you need to find god
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
