remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
