Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
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