I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
If I never see my landlord's dick again, it'll be too soon.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You ate ashes out of my bong
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
