Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Randomize
