Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
? is bags or t-bags slang for scrotum?
jesus mom
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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