Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
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